Where has my Saturn gone?

Have you heard of the "Saturn return" period of life?

It's worth looking up for more information, but the short and sweet of it is that it's the first "life crisis" or period of re-evaluation a person will experience. Now, of course there are exceptions, but it's along the lines of a "mid-life crisis". Saturn return is all about where Saturn was when you were born. It's cycle takes about 29.5 years to return to the spot it was for your birth. This is most often a time of re-evaluation of all aspects in one's life. It usually happens between the ages 27-31.

I think I'm starting mine early. I don't view this period as a negative thing, but more of an important time for deep introspection. Who knows maybe this will lead to some lucid dream personal exploration :) I feel like a fire has been lit. I don't know if its under my heart, body, or mind...yet. It's somewhere though.

As my time on Lopez comes to an end there are many things running as fast as they can around and around my mind....or maybe they're traipsing. Whatever they're doing it's boggling.

I started my Summer job working with Coen and Cedar, both experienced carpenters. It was our mission to build 12  awnings to protect strawbale wall from south eastern weather. At some point early on, Coen and Cedar got pulled away to other projects. So I started working with the great guy, Scott. He's the 2nd oldest son of Carol and Al, the people who I lived with for the first part of last summer. He's also an experienced carpenter. We finally finished the awnings at the starts of last week. It seemed s daunting in the beginning to build 12 of the exact same structure, but it was so great. Something about doing something 12 times is that you REALLLLY learn how to do it. Every aspect. Loved it. And now I'm spending my last 2 weeks re-shingling as many houses as possible before I leave (I've got 1.5 weeks left). Shingling is very fun. It's like a jigsaw puzzle. Just turn on some "phat beats" and get rockin on some shingles. Annnnd thats a new skill to add to the bag. Stoked! I feel like someone could hire me to shingle their house now. We're doing cedar shingle siding, if you're wondering if I'm roofing or siding :) You probably aren't though. hah. (see above picture).

Working with these 3 guys was so so awesome! Not once did I experience being talked down to (either because of my sex or inexperience). I always have felt comfortable, respected, and empowered working with these great people. I never felt like because I'm a grrl they thought I was any less capable to say....... carry huge beams, lift many many 60lb bags of cement, etc.

One of my best buddies, Table has been here for a month or so now. She's staying here after I leave, she kinda got a sweet year long job as a future livestock person at this amazing farm called Horse Drawn Farm. The name suggests what they're all about. Great people. As my time gets nearer to leave I feel Table detaching from my connections in the community in order to form her own. It's really quite beautiful. Though this also means seeing less of her.

I thought this time leaving would be easier, for some odd reason. I figured that I did it last year and was intense and the first leaving would be the strongest on the heart. I figured that since I came back a 2nd time Lopez had become a "thing" in my life and therefore it would be easier to leave. Shit was I wrong! haha. This time of leaving feels very emotional. So much heart connecting has gone on this trip (not like it didn't happen last time, but it's been much different this time). Family connections. Friend connections. Romantic connections. It's all been a dream. I often feel like I can just float away on a hovering piece of moss and  never return to Earth. Ethereal in my path and in the paths of those around me. What beauty?!

Here is another poem that I heavily relate to by, Dawna Markova:

I will not die an unlived life.

I will not live in fear

of falling or catching fire.

I choose to inhabit my days,

to allow my living to open me,

to make me less afraid,

more accessible;

to loosen my heart

until it becomes a wing,

a torch, a promise.

I choose to risk my significance,

to live so that which came to me as seed

goes to the next as blossom,

and that which came to me as blossom,

goes on as fruit.

What a significant and concise poem. 

Sprout Out!